Intergroup conflicts

Conflicts could happen in our everyday life and these conflicts can be damaging to almost any of our relationships. When conflicts moved onto a larger stage, the damage caused could be increased by multiples.

There are many ways inter group conflict can develop, and one of it is the social identity theory. This theory suggest that people want to have a positive identity for themselves and their group. To achieve this, one group might assume a higher position and look down on others. At times, negative stereotypes can be developed.


Lets start from smaller things. In school, students will find friends that they get along better with and form cliques. It is very common to have one or a few popular cliques and they are often included in cliques conflict. In my personal experience, I have a stereotype that girls in the popular cliques are pretty, bitchy, flirty and dumb. We know that there are exceptions and yet, gossips about them are available readily. Conflicts between other cliques and them are extremely hot. For instance, the popular group call other groups silly names and although there could be no fights, there is already resentment.

When it comes to inter school competition, all of the clique issues will suddenly seemed less important. When I was participating in the Singapore Youth Festival, the atmosphere between schools can be intense, especially when the participating schools on the same day were strong. Unlike the clique issues, we are clear that the other schools are better then us for the past years and the chance that we might surpass them is very minimal. Unconsciously, high morale was developed and everyone worked really hard for it. Later on, despite the strength differences, we told ourselves that we are a hardworking band and is extraordinary close to everyone. In the end, we still fail to surpass others but achieve what we aimed for.

The conflicts between countries can include many people and sometimes caused many fatalities. For instance, the conflict between Malaysia and Singapore has been carrying on for many years. Singapore assumes the higher position by comparing the gross domestic product per capital, the area development, illiterate rates, technology advancement and many more. Malaysia also feel that Singapore is dependent on many of the Malaysia's exports including water, vegetables, poultry and etc. Basing on each of their own comparing factors, that country is indeed better. However, we all know that each country has its own strength.

All the examples I've given above depicts how groups of different sizes develops conflict using social identity theory. These conflicts have not heighten and there are many other reasons for that. Small conflicts can also be good at times, it'll push us to improve into someone better.

Relationship starts, relationship ends.

At the start of a new intimate relationship, lovers usually experience heart racing and the adrenaline rush when they are with each other. We made our promise and forgo all flaws. We know how to compromise and said beautiful words. And so, why even the most beautiful relationship eventually comes to an end?

Perhaps its the satisfaction in a relationship that determines the stability and this is quite self explanatory. In whatever things we do, we want to feel satisfied! When we get satisfactory grades, we want get it again. When we get satisfactory weight loss, we want to continue the regime. When we get satisfactory relationship, we would want to stay in it!

According to Caryl Rusbult (1983), he suggested a model named the investment model of close relationships. It says that the satisfaction and stability of a close relationship is dependent on the level of commitment by both partners. And commitment is determined by the difference in the cost of leaving the current relationship and the perceived value of alternative relationships.

I feel that this is pretty much like folk psychology. Personally, when I am satisfied with the relationship and its deem as stable, i would be more committed to it. If so, I won't want to leave the current relationship and the other alternatives won't seem attractive. I agree with Rusbult for using investment to describe relationship. As the time gets longer, the investment gets higher and ending the relationship would incur more cost! During the downturn of the stock market in 1998, many people ended their own life; likewise, when an "expensive" relationship crushed, many people also chose to give up their own life!

Looking at the Sunday times on April 6th, the frontpage showed a classic ended love story. Ronald Susilo and Li Jiawei has fallen out with each other after breaking off amicably. Their high profile love story ended ugly with money issues and a probable law suit. In the interview, others said that they are incompatible from the start and he is described more as the "goodyman" both in and after the relationship. I personally find this report rather biased. Either way, we won't know and there is no point to know whether this report is a true reflection of the real story.For sure, this report is going to hurt her heart and perhaps his reputation too.


And where did all the promises and beautiful words go? Why relationships will usually start beautifully and many would also end ugly? We have witness many couples who fell in love really romantically and also seen many of those couples end up hurting each other very deeply. I still cannot have an answer to it...

Perhaps love relationship is really an extremely risky investment. It cost from a few weeks of teardrops to even their life. If there are100 relationships in ones life, 99 of them will fail, because we can only marry 1 person in the end. And that makes 99% chance that the current investment might fail. Even the 1% could end up in divorce.

Will I take the chance then?
And, Yes, I will.

The importance of beauty

Lets just say we are walking in a brand new shopping mall, what makes us want to enter a shop? And have anyone wondered why some clothes look fantastic when we try it at the store and not in our bedrooms?! To some extent, the way the shop looks does influence our idea of how the clothes look! Firstly, we enter the shop because we think that it look good and then, thinking that its good, we buy the clothes in the store. Although we are warned not to judge book by its cover, its seems like we are doing just that.

What is beauty to you?

Perhaps some of us will say that beauty includes both internal beauty and exterior beauty. And is internal beauty and exterior beauty really separate entities? Perhaps.

According to study done by Dion, Berscheid and Walster (1972), humans often judge others based on the notion that what is beautiful is good. We tend to believe that attractive people also have traits and talents that are just as attractive as how they look. I'm not saying that internal beauty isn't important, but exterior beauty does come to influence our judgment of one's internal beauty. There are many many studies that comfirmed this notion (refer to txt book) and one of the most obvious signs across society is how appearance influence court decision. During a trial, many suspect will spend extra effort to groom themselves and put on a nice suit. And thats not redundant. Of course, the strength of evidence still has the largest influence over the verdict, however, when the evidence are unclear, beauty does interfer with the final decision.

So, does looking good equates to better treatment? I have a personal story to share. At some point in my life, I was tipping over the scale at over 70kg. At that time, I really felt that the world was very cruel. I had incidents when I wasn't allow to try clothes in stores and some even told me that their store don't have my size when i just step into it! My relatives pass mean remarks at me and my parents, some classmates joke and laugh at my weight and even the hawker gave me 'the look' when I ordered more food!!! Horribe indeed. After i lost more then 10kg, things turn for the better. Its more enjoyable to attend relative reunion, no sales person will turn me down and people even praise me when I eat more! With that 10kg less, I don't think I have changed as a person. However, its clear how society treat people of different looks. When I was more unattractive, my self esteem was really low and the remarks from others made me felt bad as a person. Should a person be condem for their looks? With just a slight improvement, the world suddenly seems kinder! Besides more shopping, I even felt better about myself! Well, i really wonder what will happen if i lose another 10 more kg!

And thus, if you ask me whether beauty is important? It will surely be a solid yes.